Frustration. So much frustration.
Jan. 28th, 2014 08:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
beanstalk_simsI've been off my anti-depressants two weeks, and I'm having lots of mood swings. I really don't want to go back on them, but I'm seriously worried I might have to - I think my Mum is going to suggest going back to the doctor's soon. I think there's just a lot of stress at the minute...
One of my teachers was suspended, and when he disappeared, he took my entire class's work with him. All of the essays I had done for the Vulnerable Adults unit were gone, and any feedback on them, gone with it. We had to resubmit to the course tutor - who only works three days a week, by the way - so he could give us some pointers, and help drag the grades up.
But I don't have any of my original sources, and I'm just staring at it blankly. The teacher who disappeared had no problems with these pieces, why has everything suddenly changed?
Our second semester begins next week, and at the minute, they have no idea who will cover some of our classes. Next semester is worth more credits than the one I just finished, and I terrified they're going to mess this one up, too.
I'm so frustrated and fed up and angry, I just want to bury my head and give up on this higher education crap. I'm not going to - anything worth doing isn't easy, afterall - I just didn't expect this much mess. The course is really disorganised.
And on top of that, I decided to look into the jobs in the high intensity therapy - the job I want at the end of this all - and found seven. Seven vacancies in the entire country, and only one of those was a trainee position, and all of them were MILES away from home.
I don't know what to do. Everything feels so stressful, and like it's a bit of a waste of time. If I'm not going to get where I want to at the end of it, what's the point?
Maybe I should have just carried on working as a minimum wage sales assistant. I currently have no job, am not entitled to any benefits because I'm in education, and I'm living out of my savings. I'm very quickly going broke. Then I see my old classmates - some are married, some are engaged, some have children, one just got a mortgage (!!!) and another just moved to Australia. I know their lives can't be all fine and dandy, but they have all of these exciting developments, and I'm still a confused puddle of emotions living at home in a bedroom that I share with my sister.
I'm upset and scared about that - that there will never be any progress in my life whatsoever. I have no idea if there will be a job for me after all of this studying. Is anything worthwhile?
So yeah, that's me. Freaking out quietly in the corner. :(
One of my teachers was suspended, and when he disappeared, he took my entire class's work with him. All of the essays I had done for the Vulnerable Adults unit were gone, and any feedback on them, gone with it. We had to resubmit to the course tutor - who only works three days a week, by the way - so he could give us some pointers, and help drag the grades up.
But I don't have any of my original sources, and I'm just staring at it blankly. The teacher who disappeared had no problems with these pieces, why has everything suddenly changed?
Our second semester begins next week, and at the minute, they have no idea who will cover some of our classes. Next semester is worth more credits than the one I just finished, and I terrified they're going to mess this one up, too.
I'm so frustrated and fed up and angry, I just want to bury my head and give up on this higher education crap. I'm not going to - anything worth doing isn't easy, afterall - I just didn't expect this much mess. The course is really disorganised.
And on top of that, I decided to look into the jobs in the high intensity therapy - the job I want at the end of this all - and found seven. Seven vacancies in the entire country, and only one of those was a trainee position, and all of them were MILES away from home.
I don't know what to do. Everything feels so stressful, and like it's a bit of a waste of time. If I'm not going to get where I want to at the end of it, what's the point?
Maybe I should have just carried on working as a minimum wage sales assistant. I currently have no job, am not entitled to any benefits because I'm in education, and I'm living out of my savings. I'm very quickly going broke. Then I see my old classmates - some are married, some are engaged, some have children, one just got a mortgage (!!!) and another just moved to Australia. I know their lives can't be all fine and dandy, but they have all of these exciting developments, and I'm still a confused puddle of emotions living at home in a bedroom that I share with my sister.
I'm upset and scared about that - that there will never be any progress in my life whatsoever. I have no idea if there will be a job for me after all of this studying. Is anything worthwhile?
So yeah, that's me. Freaking out quietly in the corner. :(
